you can just have or you can savour or you can learn and become wiser. you can take for instant pleasure and pay the penalty later or you can see into the future and predict the failure.

it's not luck nor is it circumstance. i am not a victim. i am a product of history and my own ill-informed folly.

i certainly feel my inadequacy. i am humbled by the presence of my aspirations. in the face of what i can never be i must submit. these are thoughts about my descent. as the ground approaches i must reason with myself to break the fall.

I meet my hero surreal and giggle in the night to myself not knowing. I can't say. I felt the peak and imagined future disappointments. The highest highs drop you the heaviest.

Two weeks later I have new heroes. Captain America calls me chief digs my youth tee talks without restraint and towers over thoughts in me that have surfaced now because it takes a 6 foot 9 L.A. hiphop artist to do something like that.

I start out in black music to find my skinny white sound as gino tells me of teenage riot at nine now busting back sounds on me from a time i didn't care to recollect.

My heroes are wiser than me that's why they wisen me.