having found myself unable (or was it unwilling?) to melt, i wake with thoughts of guilt . . . and it was just last night that i described the difficulty of waking with the same intentions as those we go to bed with! . . . curse these cigarettes and curse the pleasure of relaxation! i can tear about for as long as i like but it will catch up with me in the evening . . . and this morning consists of neil young's new anger.